What to do when the sun shines
/Stop what you’re doing. Step away from the desk. Open the door. Go outside. Breathe.
Simple.
So why aren’t you doing it?
Read MoreFENNER MCGUIRE
Helping senior women leaders overcome self-doubt so they can succeed with confidence, authority and impact
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Now, as the final third of your life approaches, as many of your responsibilities drop away, perhaps as your pension investments come good, surely, maybe, possibly... you get to do what you really want? What's really stopping you?
Work life is littered with difficult decisions, and the more senior you get, the more of them there are. Almost every one of those decisions affects a person. Sometimes you have to accept that some people won’t like you. As with many things in life, the more we do it, the easier it gets and the more we embed the skills we need.
Research shows that high-achieving women experience a social backlash because the way senior leaders are expected to behave goes against unconscious expectations about how women are supposed to behave. If you're a woman in a leadership position, what are you supposed to do?
How long have you been unhappy in your current role? Do you hang on for much longer than you know is good for you? Or are you off at the first hint of trouble? Here's why.
Most of the problems people want my help with are to do with other people. How to get their team to do what needs to be done. How to motivate people. How to give difficult feedback. How to manage upwards. How to get recognition and reward. How to change things without upsetting people. And many more.
The societal and cultural norms of how women (and men) are brought up make certain leadership behaviours much harder for women to demonstrate than men. This cultural and social conditioning, unconsciously absorbed from early childhood, means that developing credibility and gravitas in senior leadership positions for many women involves changing the habits of a lifetime and is a tough challenge.
Why is it so hard to say no? As humans, we’re wired to be social animals and staying connected to others is a primary survival strategy. But it is possible to learn to say no without triggering what we perceive to be catastrophic consequences, and opening up the possibility of lower stress, more fulfilment and stronger relationships.
I recently found myself feeling very Victim when someone else did what I felt was Rescuer. It made me feel helpless, inadequate, resentful and immediately mentally checking off all the reasons why their solution wouldn’t work.
The drama triangle is a straightforward way of understanding why some conversations or relationships are difficult and how we can avoid falling into behaving in ways that don't generate productive results.
Is procrastination always a bad thing? What if it’s a place of learning rather than self-criticism?
Leaders, especially new leaders, tend to assume that knowing the answers is what good leadership is all about. What if it's not?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it exist? Sometimes, even if no one else notices, you are the best person to judge the quality of your existence and the contribution you are making to the world.
I went on a writing retreat a couple of weeks ago. Here are some of the things I learnt that are nothing to do with writing. You can learn things wherever you are if you are open, curious and thoughtful. Life is full of opportunities if you take the time to see them. Grab it with both hands.
In the 21st century, we tend to assume that if we know it or think it, we can make it happen. But if that’s true, why do all those self-help books and business case studies and leadership training not translate into action on a daily basis? Especially when we need them most?
Why get to breaking point before taking action? Why waste precious days, months, years of your life waiting for divine intervention? It might feel luxurious, investing time and, perhaps, money in yourself when things are sort of not that bad. But making it a priority now, before it gets to crisis point, significantly increases your chances of a better outcome and is likely to produce a positive conclusion much earlier than if you try to pretend it’s not happening.
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What is shame? What is its purpose? How do we overcome it?